So much has happened...I left my blog to digest everything.
My goal here is not to set a prairie fire or god willing - to have a bitchfest online. In such a short amount of time I have chatted with dozens of women across the world on genetic status and their journey to discovering mental relief. It seems that most women choose surgery as the best way to deal with this "genetic destiny".
Many of you have inquired about 'Eva' Her situation has gone from bad to worse. It appears that after her losing one breast, she will after weeks of antibiotics and mental greivances, she will loose the other one. I can not focus on one bad story but as I make my decision to have the surgery, the sting of something gone so wrong is truly a mental hiccup that will take some time
I also write today knowing another BRCA 'sister' is probably just out of surgery now and I eagerly await to hear how she is doing and how her recovery will be.
My source of strength has been the new friendship of a young lady who has gone through the expander course. Her story is one that never involves the language of pain and gives those of us who are weak of heart (and stomach) the belief that FOOBS (fake bobs) can be great. I also thank all my “sisters” across the globe for sharing their pictures with me.
I can not lie, there have been tears - mostly of fear but there are days where I simply feel overwhelmed. I question my capacity to walk down a road I know I must go. I tell myself FOOBS look better than the ones I got! Perkiness after having children is always a bonus.
I know one thing for sure - I couldn't do cancer. I speak with women on a daily basis that are going through treatment. They are the truest definition of a hero.
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I never thought the day would come when I could write this sentence because I lived with the fear but I never believed my surgery would go wrong - I would never have stepped across the threshold of the hospital 11 days ago. I had to believe but the fear of living with something going wrong was better than living with cancer. I can tell you that I, personally, me..I am so glad to have the new boobs I have. I know implants are much easier and that the back muscle recon that I had done is so hard to recover from initially but in the long run..it feels worth it. Whatever sugery you opt for, if at all, it brings immense relief. I have dreamed of this feeling and it is priceless and when life gets hard it will never be as hard as what both you and I have considered, contemplated, felt, feared, been haunted by. Genetic cancer? Nope, not for me - the restrturing of my body and the loss of my beautiful (yep..I loved them) breasts is worth every second of pain I feel now in recovery Colleen. I had to focus on the good - that it was gonna be okay - that I would win the race against breast cancer. Hell, if I got breast cancer I would have to have the surgery anyway so why wait? Joking aside..its a case of inner strength and somehow, somewhere it comes to you and you make it through. Survival instinct is immesaureable. Fight to survive as long as possible. Its human nature. Love to ya sister LA:)xx
ReplyDeleteI can agree with all that LA:) say, the feeling is wonderful,not having anxiety over breast or ovarian cancer any longer is so great.I had decided to go for the surgery´s before I got the test results back (over 10 years ago) because the fear had taken over my life and it was hard to live normal.I never really liked my breasts but they were mine, soft and small BUT very dangerous in my opinion so the decision was easy. I have silicone implants,no expander. The are not the ultimate ones but they are healthy. My mother had 5 sisters who are all dead now from cancer of course,my mother has the mutation but no cancer yet.
ReplyDeleteI don´t regret anything and would do it again if I had to.
The greatest thing this mutation has brought to me is all of my new friends all over the world. We share so much both love and sorrow.
And we are strong together.
Good luck to you my dear friend.
Susanne