Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Phone rang and all was set

I knew the day would come.  I even hoped it would come, surprisingly, but still it sat like lead in my stomach. 

The call came today.  January 8th.  The day I lose my breasts.  Wow, writing it is quite..um... yucky? final? Not very profound is it.  This weekend, as you probably read I hit rock bottom.  I completely lost it but at least it was with end purpose.  Somedays I

I saw a woman die. Her lifeless body is forever etched in my mind.  it serves as a remeber of why I am having this surgery. I saw what cancer does inside a home, using stress fatigue and fear to eat away at ones soul  I will not do that to my family. 

The hard part was telling them tonight.  They cried. I cried with them but assured in the end we would get though this.  We were beating cancer before it had a chance to rear its ugly head

I know it won't be easy, and I still think I'm in for a hell of a ride, no matter how much I prepare or think I know.  I think about Eva in the back of my mind who is now is breastless again .  I hope (dear God) I do not end that way. After this weekend though I do not doubt my decision. 

I have a picture of one of my BRCA's sister's new foobs on my bullentin board and well heck- they look awesome!  I use that and the possibility of some other enhancement once full exchange is done...hint...

So I guess I have nothing except I am surprisingly at peace for now and let the 43 day countdown begin.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, I was just wondering if you've checked out the reconstruction photos on the BRCA Umbrella site yet? If not, you really should - seeing these pictures will help ease your mind so much!

    With the type of procedure that I'm going to have on Jan 12, I'll be having immediate reconstruction, so I'll never have that 'no breasts' experience, mine will be removed, and rebuilt all while I'm unconscious. Mastectomies and reconstruction have come such a long way.

    You'll do just fine, so many have done this before us, and we can do it too!

    Teri S.